Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Autism Commune in My Head

There are times in the middle of the night, when I get all woe-is-me because my kid won't sleep, that I'm so grateful for my cyber-friends who are up with me--either because their kids aren't sleeping either, or they live in Australia.  (I love the Aussies! Holla!)

 And then I imagine what it would be like if we all actually lived together...in the beautiful autism commune in my head.  Would you like to take a tour?  (This is not real.  This is in my head.  I promise I'm not trying to sell you a time-share.  Go with it.)

First of all, it's not really a commune.  It's more like a gated community.  I'm claustrophobic and I would have to leave once in a while.  Anyway...

Welcome to Spectrum Estates, a judgement-free zone for families with autism.  Our community, bordered by a fence, has a security staff specially trained in helping folks on the spectrum.  Lifeguards are on duty 24/7.

Our streets are arranged according to sensory-sensitivity.  Sensory-avoidance homes are landscaped during the week while the children are at school.  The houses with sensory-seeking kids are landscaped on weekends so the kids can stim off the lawnmowers.  Ditto for leaf blowers and snow plows.  We don't worry about spraying for mosquitoes because this is my fantasy and mosquitoes don't exist.

The climate is warm; clothing is optional.  Obviously. 


There are several restaurants that cater to every possible food allergy and offer seating choices based on sensory preference.  Need booth seating for four in a noisy room full of music and balloons?  No problem!  Need a quiet corner with plush seats and bland food?  We can do it!  Our "date night" restaurant features a separate respite room that serves platters of tater tots and Yoo-Hoo.  There's something for everyone! 

Here at Spectrum Estates, we have a community center with specially-designed rooms for obsessions of all kinds.  Be sure to visit our displays of model trains and vacuums!  Our community center is a place for therapy and playtime, as well as respite care.  We have a gym, pool, climbing wall, and carousel.  There is a tiki bar--no cash necessary.  Expenses are covered by member dues and puzzle piece magnet fundraisers.  "Support Autism.  Buy this Mama a Mudslide!"

One of the best features of the community center is the Moonlighters room.  Softly lit and lined with comfy couches, it is a safe place for sleepless children be sleepless while parents nap or keep each other company.  A selection of bean bag and swing chairs are arranged in front of a number of dim screens featuring soothing favorites like Good Night, Moon, Baby Einstein, and Tales from the Tracks.  We shuffle around in our pajamas and snuggies and clutch cups of coffee or beer.  It looks like finals week in college...only with kids.

The center offers social activities and support for the siblings as well.  There's a specially-stocked kitchen in the Sibling Station full of all the junk food we can't keep in our homes.  They can eat gluten and food dye to their heart's content!  We have movie nights featuring anything other than Thomas the Train, The Wiggles, Blue's Clues, and Fraggle Rock.  Be sure to stop by for our helpful weekly seminars covering topics such as "So Your Brother Dropped Trou in Front of Your Girlfriend" and "Making Echolalia Work for You!"

And of course, the Spectrum Estates activities director organizes plenty of social and wellness events for the parents--yoga, book clubs, wine-tasting classes, wine-making classes, cooking with wine classes...

Everyone is invited to the birthday parties.  Nobody gets mad if you can't make it.  The playground always has enough swings and the trampolines are surrounded by crash-pads.  If your kid wants to wear a Santa hat in June, nobody asks why.  If your child insists on showing neighbors his plastic bug collection, there's no need to apologize.  If your kid is naked in the front window, nobody will notice.

"Spectrum Estates--Where People Get It."

Happy Hour is at 5:00. 


28 comments:

  1. You are not alone dreaming of an autism commune. A group of my friends have been wistfully joking about making one for years <3
    It's be effin' aweseome!

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  2. You are brilliant! Please keep writing!

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  3. We're in! Can you please get rid of yellow jackets while you're wishing away nasty insects? Thanks - appreciate ya!

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  4. We're in!!! My group of cyber-family Autism mamas have discussed this very idea!!! Let's do it!!!!!!

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  5. Put us down for a place! We have discussed this kind if thing lol.

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  6. You realise this is a close description of life in Australia? You'll have to trust me on that and just move here :) I promise at the very least I can supply continual wine tasting classes.

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  7. LOVE IT ! I always wanted a community with our own schools, hospitals, group support, ample babysitters that have a clue, unlimited resources, and meds for the adults too ! Where we can all be who we are without explaining anything !! Where I don't have to get my MEAN MAMMA BEAR out ! If only Ellen and Oprah could just give this to us ! :)

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  8. This was genius! I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

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  9. Sign me up! Moving day is next week.

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  10. Just take my money already, let's make this happen!

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  11. Great Read! This was in our head 5 years ago, now look - www.elijahsretreat.com

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  12. So funny! But all kidding aside, I would totally live there. How do we make this happen? And it needs to include a fabulous school for both the kids on the spectrum and their NT siblings.

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  13. My husband and I would gladly each give up a kidney to live there. lol

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  14. if its not too much trouble, i'd like a chocolate making class at the estates as well...when do you begin taking reservations ;) xo

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  15. When do we move in? Love this! Please write more.

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  16. Color me there! Let's get some eccentric billionaire to fund this , even if it's a vaction resort and not full-time. Who wouldn't want a chance to live the dream???

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  17. Yes! It could be like that movie "The Village" but with technology and stuff.

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  18. What is the cost of the home, and where are you located....I want a home in Spectrum Estates....LOL...

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  19. This is brilliant, I loved it!! I'd move there in a heartbeat, even though I don't have kids (yet)! (Autistic myself). I wrore this http://mariaspie.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/if-we-were-all-autistic.html the other day which is (somewhat) similar, I think... I'd love to hear your opinion of it! :)

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  20. I'm ready, but at the rate of diagnosis, there won't be enough land anywhere!

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  21. Wow, what that would truly be like!!! My daughter is blind as well, and it's so funny that you talked about leaf blowers, she loves those but hates vacuum cleaners!! It's nice to know I'm not alone

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  22. Make this a reality please!!!

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  23. Where's the go-fund-me link for this? We want in!

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  24. Fine, but we need to revisit Happy Hour ;)

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  25. Awesome I'm in. Also I'm an Aussie! So glad I've come across your blog. I'm going back through and reading everything (hence the date difference). It is nice to hear that I'm not alone. I almost checked out last week due to burn out and feeling alone. Now I know I'm not. Thsnk you.

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